Occupation:
Part time Cat Herder and Ferret Wrestler.
Former ninja, part of a secret order ordained by... nevermind. You didn't read that.

Professional Skills:
Trained in the arts of sarcasm, flippant disregard, and sexual harassment.

Hobbies:
Finding new and exciting recipes for Ex-Lax,
sticking post-it notes to my neighbor's cats to make LOLcats a reality,
and making protective foil helmets for all my closest friends.

Pets:
1 cat, 1 dog, 1 cockatiel, and a fruit fly named Steve...
Although I haven't seen Steve in a few weeks.  Should I be worried?

Favorites

Romantic Movie:
Attack of The Killer Tomatoes or Plan 9 from Outer Space

Music:
Squirrel chirps, chainsaws, and any song from the Muppets Take Manhattan soundtrack. 
I fucking love singing frogs.

Food:
caffeine - the fifth food group

Infomercial Star:
Billy Mayes  (He's a screamer!)

Time of Day:
June

Position:
Trapeze sex, but only with an audience

Sex Toy:
Partially charged Dustbuster
Sandpaper is a close second.

Personal
Weaknesses:
Muttonchop sideburns and handlebar mustaches   *purrrrrrrr*

Turn Offs: 
Nude Beaches for the Elderly.  
People who don't appreciate my fascination with penguins.

Ambitions:
To confuse the hell out of men before sneaking up on them and surprising them into an orgasm.
By the way, look behind you...

Fears:
Alien abductions. It's not the anal probe that worries me.
It's the fact that they never call afterwards.

Favorite quote:
Klato Verata Nic-mphhh.  Ok.  I said the words.